Mental pause
last update (if memory serves) 28 September 2021
Intentionally banal menopause poems
Hey, you are so welcome here.
What follows is satire because surely you knew that the only acceptable form for unfiltered menopause talk is in jokes?
I use economical language and bald truthfulness to show what is gritty not pretty about 'the change' and to play against the feminine tradition of bearing up well under the circumstances. Women face circumstances aplenty and sometimes it is OK to just act out or call a spade a shovel.
And yes, some of this is vulgar.
Menopause
Malaise
Melancholy
Melodrama
Moodiness
Mediocreness
Marginalisation
MEN ISSUES
Midriff, mammary and minge issues
Meh. No. Pause.
short shrift
Child-bearing years:
Blancmange belly
Transition years:
Vaginal apathy
Golden years:
Turkey neck and bingo wings
Final years:
Glassy eyes - and weed pipe
'cos I can't say psilocybin
menonstrate
verb
-
a. give a practical exhibition of the symptoms of menopause thereby illustrating its existence; give rational explanation or evidence of menopause (less likely).
b. illustrate and explain menopause especially with many examples
// "she was menonstratably red in the face"
2. a public display by mid-age women which aims to make clear a position or argument
// "they menonstrated peacefully but conspicuously"
pause play
20s, 30s and 40s (ish)
Play by the rules
Play the game
Play nicely
Play it safe
50s
█ Pause the rules
█ Pause the game
█ Pause niceties
█ Pause safety
There are 30 to 48 symptoms
Though accuracy anyone's guess
I’ve found 24 'side-splitting' memes
And celebs exposing their mess
I've learned female killer whales, narwhals,
and short-finned belugas
are the only other mammals to change
And I wonder
Do they swim in anxious circles or
plunge woefully to the ocean depths?
Were their fins short before or after?
And do they have access to natural meds?
Then I cry, (rage, ruminate), care desperately
and get nothing done for days
No Play.
Long Pause.
There's no sign of Rewind or Fast Forward
places I've found my patch
Left cheek Right cheek Left hip Right hip
Pants
Left waist Right waist
Bottom of foot
Left sacrum. Right sacrum
Bed
Left belly Right belly
Bathroom cabinet
agape
My skin flapping like something untended
Trespassing body aches
This meno-pause for something
Holds me at a junction without exit
Like a puzzle grid
And a pen without ink
Age has crept in to my life-lexicon
With new categories
It offers up indexes, files and definitions
but no true answers
Like a paper fortune-teller
No-one’s written in
walls
Walls
Not vaginal ones
(That’s always seemed creepy)
The ones we build around taboos
And un-salutary topics
Like going through the change
Walls of silence
Meno-walls
when can you say you are in perimenopause?
When you haven’t had a rational thought in 12 months
When recent periods were like hacksaw murders
When the word ‘natural’ makes you want to shout ‘fuck you’
When even your ears looks a bit saggy
When you’ve drunk collagen tea
wtf woman?
'Wise woman'
'Well woman'
Bloody hell woman
I’m Cranky
A bit skanky
Sweaty
Sweary
And there’s a hair on my chin
Just one but it wants company
sorry to my bits
Your vagina rips in childbirth
In breastfeeding your tits
feel like they’ve collapsed combusted been torn open
- or crocs have bitten your nips
Baby by baby
your belly lags lumpishly
And then suddenly, shit
It's peri-menopause
and you're lub'ing, lifting and hoping
Til menopause grips
rolling you up into dough
and drought
(I think I am wanting to write 'doubt')
I really never knew this
never prepared
never took care
And now I feel so damn sorry for my bits
at last
At last
I don’t give a toss about the dirty clothes
Or the food gone foul in the refrigerator
I’m gonna tell you about my needs
In bed
In the kitchen
And in therapy
I may reveal them at a party
my darkness has a name
I call it my undertow
l’appel du vide
Some days I can stare inwardly for hours
to feel it creeping
I can lose time then
No matter
Says the vide, the emptiness
Towing me down and under
several marriages
My therapist quoted a woman
who wrote
"She'd had several marriages but only one husband"
And we chortled a while at the prescience
of a woman who'd held it together
contractually, in spirit and in print
Since she'd written a book and sold it
Quotably;
though sadly her name didn't stick.
And I mentioned in turn that it seemed
"60% of women who initiate divorce
are in their menopausal years"
And wouldn't it be a great kindness
if they and their partners had known
That the contract can be re-negotiated?
That one marriage could become
Two
or possibly even three
Like an escape clause
Or a reset
free of...
Free of the male gaze
I'll run my own race
Free of the child's plea
I'll carve something for me
Free of the corporate game
I'll make my own fame
Free of the friend's need
I'll advance at speed
Fuck it, I can't be bothered
hot feet
I had an interview
in which I tried to take off my socks
with my big toe
It was a hot flush hot flash hot flop moment
the socks resisted
so I leaned down and started pulling with my fingers
saying there was something in the way of my feet
to the interviewer
How my zoom standards slid
as my slightly-off-screen face
went south while semi-smiling
and my socks
still exercised restraint
As I got hotter
and uttered nonsense
inwardly seething
'oh the bastards'
what not to say
I was on google (again)
and among the menopause results
the searchopoly felt wise to present
was what you shouldn't say to a menopausal woman...
And it went:
What not to say to someone going through the menopause
“Women have always had to deal with the menopause”
“At least you don't have periods any more”
“I found the menopause easy”
“Your poor husband”
I feel google should take more care
as one of those bullets is so patently wrong
it could cause a blind effing rage
(if not some personal injury)
But being fair
it did source to Good Housekeeping
and there rests my case.
Underneath this question was another:
What Every Man Should Know about menopause?
I couldn't help but click
The less said about it the better
Except I must point out this:
"It's not something you just “go through”"
was written
without it being at all clear
If that was for the male readers
or us women